you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
