For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
