I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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