I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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