and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
