We won't sleep together?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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