The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
