found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
