Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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