I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
