they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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