Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
