im having a threesome with these popsicles
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
