Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
