There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
