I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
