Kiss
Puke
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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