My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
