He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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