hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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