I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
And then my night got REAL pukey
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
