yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You ruined the universe
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize