I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
ugly people sure do ruin things
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
