I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i out mim tonsoeep
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
