my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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