last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Floor bacon is actually really good
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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