You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Randomize
