I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
