Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
