Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize