Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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