Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You're like the curious george of whores
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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