I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
