Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
