Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Randomize
