You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
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