Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize