I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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