what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
