she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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