Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
