I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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