the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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