you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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