OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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