life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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