She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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