he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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