I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
