I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
