fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
my shit smells like andre
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
