Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
