I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
