Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
