What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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