I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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