my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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