we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
