Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
