By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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