i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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