I just made out with a guy for $7.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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