Im at strip club and am horny
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
