That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
