Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
