There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
