I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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