So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize