when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize