Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
