; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
