Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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