The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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